Improve Your Mental Resilience and Receive Criticism in Stride

Apologies for being MIA lately. Between work, tax season, and planning my son's birthday, life has been kind of a whirlwind. I had all these great ideas for new exercises and blog posts, but I just couldn't seem to muster up the energy to make them happen. And although I felt a bit lazy and unproductive, I reassured myself that it was best to take a break to avoid burnout.

Now trust me, I'm the queen of being hard on myself, so this wasn’t easy. In the past criticism, even from the people I love, would send me into a downward spiral of self-doubt and feelings of failure. Actually while growing up, I was made to feel like evolving or improving myself was somehow selling out or "acting white". 🤦🏽‍♀️ Yes, you read that right! People would comment on how my speech had changed, or how I'd become too proper or stuck up. As if speaking well or enjoying nice things was reserved for a certain "type" of person. And even now I encounter the same response when it comes to setting boundaries or having standards. It truly blows my mind to see how much negativity can be attached to something that’s meant to be good.

But this is why it’s important to have a support system that wants to see you at your best so you can tune out the negative noise and focus on your well-being. And now that I’ve done the work to get rid of my people pleasing tendencies I've come to realize that not all criticism is a personal attack or an attempt to manipulate me. It's taken some time and a whole lot of shadow work and rediscovering myself, but I'm finally able to prioritize my wellness and receive feedback or compete without it affecting my self-esteem. And that's a pretty powerful feeling.

So if you're like me and struggle with negative criticism, here are a few tips that have helped me along the way:

When You Receive Criticism/Feedback, Remember the Following:

• Be rational.

• Don’t get defensive.

• Don’t argue.

• Propose a compromise.

• Reject unfair criticism. 

• Don’t counterattack.

• Offer an explanation.

• Don’t raise your voice. Try to keep your tone normal.

• Try seeing things from their perspective.

• Ask questions to get a better understanding of the criticism.

• Repeat the criticism to make sure you’re understanding correctly. 

• Find something to agree with in the criticism.

• Consider who the criticism is coming from and why they’re criticizing you.

Ways to Reject Unfair Criticism

• Remain calm.

• Politely move on. It’s okay to agree to disagree.

• Ask someone you trust for their opinion on the situation. 

• Don’t take it personally or let the experience damage your self-confidence or self-esteem.

• Don’t dwell on the situation once you’ve moved on. 

• “Can we table this discussion until I’ve had more time to think about everything that was just said?”

Remember that not all criticism is bad. Sometimes it's necessary to help us grow and improve. With that being said here are my final takeaways:

• Don't let criticism define you. You're more than the sum of your past or mistakes.

• Trust yourself. If you’re here that means you are doing the work, therefore you know who you are and what you're capable of.

• And most importantly, be kind to yourself. We all mess up sometimes, but that doesn't make us any less worthy of love and respect.

And if that still doesn’t work, use this deep muscle and progressive relaxation exercise to combat negative beliefs and thoughts that might be causing you to get defensive or shut down.

Hope this helps! Now go out there and show up as your best self!