Managing Your Mental Health Disorder Symptoms
In 2021, I met a man I thought was my soulmate. We fell in love. He met my son. He flew home with me to meet my family, and we even talked about getting married.
Within a year we started having disagreements about the future, things got stressful, and I decided we weren’t as compatible as I thought so we broke up. I didn’t know if we would be able to work it out, or how things would play out but I felt he left me no other choice.
It was, and still is, one of the toughest decisions I’ve made in a very long time. And even though I was the one who ended things, the heartbreak I felt was pure agony. I didn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. Honestly, some days I didn’t even shower. I woke up with with splitting headaches and swollen eyes on damp pillows from crying all night.
Although, I knew it was important to process and grieve such a significant loss. I realized what I was doing wasn’t healthy. In fact, I’d gotten uncomfortably close to slipping into the dark hole of depression I’d gotten so familiar with after my divorce.
Today, on Valentine’s Day, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about the great loves I’ve lost. The men I thought I could love forever, where I went wrong, and how to go about finding “the one”, and finally I just told myself, “enough!” I’ve worked hard to let go of the past and pick myself back up again. So each minute I spend thinking about how my life might have turned out if I’d stayed, or what I could have done differently or better past relationships, is a complete waste of time - regardless of how many people I see on social media telling me they have the secret to helping me find the love of my life, 😅.
The truth of the matter is, I made a choice to love me first, because in all of my previous relationships I wasn’t shown the type of love I wanted or felt I deserved - the type of love I gave, hoping it would be reciprocated. And I was able to come to this conclusion the same way I pulled myself out of that depressed state after the breakup. I restructured my negative thoughts using the Think, Feel, Act strategy I’ve outlined below.
THINK About the Symptoms and Side Effects Created by the Negative Thoughts
Think about your mood and the situation that’s influencing you.
Think about the negative thoughts that keep popping into your head.
For example, I’ve been feeling very tired these last few days and I assumed it was because I haven’t been sleeping well. Then today, after another night of limited sleep I woke up feeling sort of numb. And I couldn’t figure out why, nor could I figure out why I haven’t gotten a good night’s sleep in almost a week. I realized I’d been intentionally staying busy, and basically forcing certain situations, because of the holiday.
FEEL Positive Emotions That Will Help You Combat Your Negative Mindset
Challenge the beliefs and assumptions behind the negative thoughts.
Replace the negative thoughts with positive ones.
Feel good about the positive things you have accomplished.
In my particular situation I didn’t want to go without feeling loved on Valentine’s Day. I was afraid that if I spent the holiday alone I would backslide, or spend the day crying and sad. I reminded myself that being alone, doesn’t mean I have to feel sad or lonely. I told myself that I could make myself feel just as loved by buying myself flowers, gifts and dinner. And I reminded myself of all the things I’ve done as a single woman that has prepared me for the man of my dreams once he does come along (I’m feeling real optimistic about this! 😇).
ACT and Move Differently
Use your problem-solving skills to tackle issues that worry you
Participate in positive activities.
Decrease your involvement in negative activities
Reward yourself when you’ve made progress.
Although, I spent the first half of the day trying to avoid being alone with my thoughts. I spent the second half of the day embracing the alone time and treating myself to all my favorite things.
I took a walk with my dog, Sirius Black. I took some time to journal about how I want to be loved. And finished the day with a candle lit dinner and Reese Witherspoon’s and Ashton Kutcher’s new romance comedy, Your Place or Mine.
Remember, the holidays can be a very difficult time for single men and women, so if you find yourself triggered and you aren’t quite sure how to apply the Think, Feel, Act method try the journal prompts found here to work through your depressed state and restructure my negative self-talk.
And if your mental state is in a really dark place and you’re thinking about suicide, or you’re worried about a friend or loved one, and would like emotional support, the Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States. Simply dial 1-888-628-9454 or text the code “988” to the number 988 to chat with the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, or text the code “838255” to the number 988 to chat with the Veterans Crisis Line.
Happy Valentine’s Day! And remember you may not be loved by the one you want, but you are always loved!
